(GotFrag) - Okay, I promise, that'll be the one and only "Heavy" pun I use. In case you've been a touch out of the loop - too busy watching that freak Phelps or exploring the nether regions of your own.. nether region - the next set of weapon/map/miscellaneous updates are slated to be released tomorrow, with the target character being our beloved Russian fat man, the Heavy Weapons guy. Now, being the lazy journalist that I am, I immediately dismissed the idea of writing about these updates as they were released - mostly because I was annoyed by the fact that Valve was trying to be cute. But now that the cat is fully out of the bag and the updates are literally hanging over us (do they already have them in China? Or is it Europe? Is that how time works?), here's a nice round-up of what's coming - aside from pubs filled with screaming Russian maniacs (hey, at least people will stop playing Pyro):

New Map - cp_steel - created by Jamie "Fishbus" Manson
SS 1 | SS 2
"A complex Attack/Defense control point map, with some unique gameplay. Unlike most TF2 maps, capturing a control point modifies the layout of the map, opening and closing routes for each team. As a result, the offensive team has a wide variety of tactical choices around how they'd like to assault the final point. Should they use Scouts and Soldiers to rush the final point with only the routes they start with? Should they go for the side control points and open up more routes to the final? Should they capture extra points to shut down the defender's routes? The many choices keep the map interesting for a long time, providing a wide variety of experiences in a game." - SteamGames.com

It'll be interesting to see how the scene takes to this community-made map, which has some very interesting gameplay features.. though knowing competitive gaming scenes, teams will probably figure out the best way to attack this map pretty quick and then everyone will just do it that way.

Melee Weapon - The KGB - plus Acheivements list
"The unlockable for the Heaviest pugilists out there is the K.G.B. Any time a Heavy kills an enemy with the K.G.B he receives five seconds of guaranteed critical hits. This crit-boost can be used to punch and kill further enemies, extending the boost time. Alternatively, the Heavy can switch to another weapon and use the boost to take out an enemy at range. The Heavy's slow movement speed, and the K.G.B's slower swing speed, make it a risky prospect." - SteamGames.com

The "Rasputin" acheivement easily takes the cake in my book, while the rest are a pretty typical rundown of things one has to do to get precious Natasha. Personally, I much prefer this list of acheivments over the Pyro & Medic.. but that's probably just because I hate the Pyro and I'm a terribad Medic.

New Map - pl_badwater_basin?
SS 1 | SS 2 | SS 3
Badwater Basin is a Payload map focusing on more open spaces and less chokepoints than Gold Rush. (A) Right out of the gate is a multi-level area where the Blu team needs to control the high ground while moving the cart through a tunnel below. This open area has few natural choke points, allowing Scouts, Soldiers, and Demomen to move creatively through the space, forcing the Red team to rapidly respond to choices made by Blu. (B) As the track winds its way into tighter spaces, vertical control becomes more important. Each successive checkpoint requires the Blu team to take control of defensive positions above the track, usually occupied by Red Engineers. (C) Eventually the track winds down into a large basin which the Blu team must assault from all sides in a final push to destroy the Red base.

Unlike Gold Rush, where the track is split into three separate stages, Badwater Basin uses a single large stage with several checkpoints. As a result, the Blu team is highly encouraged to push the cart hard after beating their way through the Red defensive line." - SteamGames.com

Needless to say, Valve is on somewhat of a roll when it comes to maps coming out of their own vaults - pl_goldrush is a smashing (pub) success while cp_badlands just might be the best competitive push map, especially with the cp_granary tweak. By the description, it sounds like this one might be less of a spam-fest than pl_goldrush, but I'm by no means sold on pl_'s entering the competitive ring.

New Weapon - Natasha
"The Heavy's second unlockable, Natascha, slows enemies with her bullets. Anyone damaged by her will move slower for an instant, encouraging them to find cover or turn and face the Heavy, mano-a-tiny-itty-bitty-mano. Unfortunately, Natascha is slightly weaker than Sasha, so she takes longer to finish off a victim. As a result, Natascha's great against fleeing cowards, such as Scouts & Medics, and less great against anyone actively trying to kill her master. Heavies that like to jump around corners and surprise groups of startled enemy crybabies will also find her very useful, although they should look for a Sasha-wielding enemy Heavy before they leap." - SteamGames.com

While the change isn't bad, I kinda think this is the weakest of the upgrades so far - I don't know if slowing enemies down will necessarily translate into more kills, unless it's a spam-fest and he's just setting enemies up to be knocked down by crit-rockets. Competitively, if you're unlucky (or dumb) enough to get caught by a Heavy you're probably gonna die anyways, so the fact that you might do so.. slower.. doesn't really play in my head. I'd still pick the Blutsauger as the best update so far - but, as always, we'll see.

New Game Mode - Arena - "Sup World of Fortress, I mean tf2." - #4 by CloudKing

This is by far the meatiest part of the update (so much so that I'll just link you directly rather than paste the whole thing), and is definately the most intriguing. While the no healthpack thing kinda hurts my idea of a million high-flying, rjumping soldier squads, this game mode is quite literally perfect for the smaller 3v3/2v2/1v1 leagues & ladders that have sprouted up (I wonder if bball will work in Arena Mode..).

One thing I do NOT like is the boost Pyro's get by making the maps released with the package mostly water-free (along with being hp free). Valve's insistence on promoting one of the most irritating characters in the game is beyond me, and I can only hope the Soldier update will offer nothing short of a Pyro-seeking missile so those damn buggers get off my back.

Images taking from SteamGames.com